The Long, Slow Road

I visited the doc again and while things are going extremely SLOW this time around, there are still some eggs growing and we are moving forward. I've been highly nervous and anxiety ridden this time. Last time it was new, I responded great and unfortunately just didn't have a positive outcome. This time I know what to expect, but I haven't responded as well. I don't know if it's stress, or the fact that I grew every egg in town last time or what.

I had lunch with the lovely Carly on Friday and her equally adorable daughter. She was exclaiming that I had an overall good disposition about the whole thing. I will say that my whole life I have always been an optimist. I always believe in the best of people and all things. If it doesn't go your way, it's probably for a reason.

The truth is I am absolutely petrified. There is no way to explain sometimes how much of a roller coaster it all is. I cry often, but usually no one sees. My ritual now is to cry in the car after the appointment even if it went fine. Or to lay in bed awake basically all night wondering if they will cancel this round or if it will even work out at all. I try to remember that when I start to feel that way it is the devil trying to make me doubt what God has planned for me. That it is just doubt, and not what is truly meant to be. That if I have faith it will all work out in the end. It might not be when I want it to be, but it will work out.

I think I need a vacation.